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 As we wait for the answer, no matter the depth of our pain, our goal is to promote love because “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).

“Covering” doesn’t mean deny the problem. Rather it means in love, protecting each other’s privacy. And that love becomes the vehicle God uses to transport couples to a place of forgiveness, understanding and complete healing.

Mistake #3: Lingering Resentment

“How can you trust him again?” a friend asked when this writer experienced healing after the heartache of my husband’s unfaithfulness. 

Initially, I took the wrong path. I blamed him fiercely. I fueled my emotions with words of condemnation. And I expected a genuinely remorseful husband to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness.

He didn’t. And I became resentful not only of his behavior but of his lack of genuine regret, one I thought I deserved.

The relationship was a mess. Each of us with our reasons to be unhappy and looking to the solution by ending the marriage.

But that end would be the beginning of devastating hurt for our three small sons. I had to change. Rising above my emotions, I had to control my irrational reactions. Sadly, my pain had blocked the wisdom I desperately needed.

But God knew those needs. Admittedly, I was seeking first and above all my husband’s genuine repentance. That was my solution, but God offered a different priority when He said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added onto you” (Matthew 6:33).

I gave one last sob and chose to seek Him, not seek my husband’s change of heart, but seek God first, learn what He instructed and discern what He offered.

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