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 You’re interested in dicks and in vulvas. And you’re romantically, emotionally, and aesthetically attracted to some women, but not men. You may become more interested in intimacy with other men over time, and you may never be interested in more than a narrow range of carnal activity with them. You might build a monogamous relationship with someone and never encounter another catalyst to question your sexual and romantic orientations again. It’s an exploration, and uncertainty is part of growth and self-understanding. Most of us have details about our desires and identities that don’t fit into basic categories. Along the way, remember to treat your partners as humans, even if all you’re interested in is their genitals, and communicate clearly about what you’re wanting to engage in with them.

—Stoya

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I never thought I’d be in this position. I am married and love my wife (30s). A gorgeous woman at work who works in a separate department (same office building) struck up a conversation with me one day at an after-work event, and she later added me on social media. I posted a photo one day and she replied flirtatiously in DMs, but she is also married and I didn’t think anything of it. She kept it up, and I barely responded, but then yesterday, she straight-up propositioned me for sex. No strings: a safe, one-time thing. I am an average guy, and women haven’t come on to me like this since I was in better shape in my late teens and early 20s. I don’t think I’ll get this opportunity again while I’m still young, and I don’t want to give it up. I know my wife would never give me a pass, 100 percent, but we barely have sex anymore post-kids. Is there any way I could do this, be happy it happened, and then move on, or am I kidding myself?

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