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 2. Even at the height of the AIDS Crisis—even at a time when contracting HIV was almost invariably fatal—condoms weren’t used 100 percent of the time by 100 percent of gay and bi men. Now with PrEP (a daily pill that prevents HIV infection) and treatments for HIV+ men that make it impossible for them to spread the virus (HIV+ men with undetectable viral loads can’t transmit the virus), fewer gay and bi men are using condoms these days. If you wanna use a condom because you’re not on PrEP and/or you wanna protect yourself and your wife from all the sexually transmitted infections PrEP won’t protect you from—and that would be all the other sexually transmitted infections out there—insist on condoms and pass on guys who argue with you about it.

3. If you wanna be able to have spontaneous and/or anonymous sex with other men, taking PrEP daily is smart. But you can use PrEP without taking it daily if you’re having sex with other men once or twice a year and you’re making those sex dates at least a few days in advance. Intermittent or “on-demand” use of PrEP is highly effective; take two pills 24 hours before you have sex and one pill a day for two days afterwards.

4. Not all gay and bi men are into anal sex or into anal sex with casual partners, WANNABI, and while most of the men I’ve encountered—most of the men encountered the shit out of—were functionally versatile, there do seem to be more bottoms out there than tops. Not that “bottom” and “top” are static identities; a guy who’ll bottom for you might be more comfortable topping for someone else, a guy who enjoys bottoming when he’s younger might enjoy topping more later in life and vice versa, etc.

5. Not every photo is recent, WANNABI, and not every guy is decent. Some guys will lie to get in your pants or in your ass or on your dick or on your face. Trust your gut, WANNABI, and be choosy about the guys you invite to rearrange yours.

 

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