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ANDIEZ Muay Thai You May See Me Struggle You May See Me Fall But You Will Never See Me Quit Poster

 Water bottle tomfoolery aside, it was time to get down to business. Mark Wahlberg’s diligent fitness regimen is how he (probably) earned the titular role of “the fighter” in the 2010 film The Fighter, a movie about fighting. Since COVID was like, “You can totally go to the gym, bud! The only downside is you might die,” I decided to work out in my apartment. My plan was to do 1,000 pushups, 1,000 crunches, and 1,000 total reps with my 20 pound weights in four days, while also taking four cardio classes and doing ten total minutes of planks and 100 total chin-ups.

You may be thinking, that’s it? But here’s what I underestimated about my crackerjack attempt to transform myself from Pat into Hans and/or Franz: I still had to write for Decider. Articles about trying to get The Rock to watch the hit USA legal thriller Suits and attempting to covert the iconic rom-com The Cutting Edge from rotten to fresh on Rotten Tomatoes take a special je ne sais quoi to produce. Also, my editors said I couldn’t take a week off to lift weights and eat snacks. I wanted to respond that the last six words of the Pledge of Allegiance are “with liberty and justice for all,” but I’m admittedly on the thinnest of ice around here so I decided to heroically show up for work. ANDIEZ Muay Thai You May See Me Struggle You May See Me Fall But You Will Never See Me Quit Poster

I had to adapt Mark’s schedule to fit the life of me, an award-winning journalist* with a penchant for shoehorning Carly Rae Jepsen references into as many articles as possible, relevance or fit be damned. Instead of playing golf, I played Tiger Woods PGA Tour on my recently rediscovered PlayStation 2. Instead of following Mark’s 2:45-3:15 a.M. Prayer time, I checked basketball scores and questioned each and every life decision that led me to writing this article. But there were still two parts of Mark’s schedule I couldn’t quite crack: his 9:30 a.M. Cryo chamber recovery and picking up his kids from school at 3:00 p.M.

I’m not quite sure how to skillfully transition to Day 3, so here’s a collage of photos from the Transformers franchise, a series of films about robots in disguise and Mark Wahlberg running to and from various locations.

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