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 3. If you wanna be able to have spontaneous and/or anonymous sex with other men, taking PrEP daily is smart. But you can use PrEP without taking it daily if you're having sex with other men once or twice a year and you're making those sex dates at least a few days in advance. Intermittent or "on-demand" use of PrEP is highly effective; take two pills 24 hours before you have sex and one pill a day for two days afterward.

4. Not all gay and bi men are into anal sex or into anal sex with casual partners, WANNABI, and while most of the men I've encountered — most of the men encountered the shit out of — were functionally versatile, there do seem to be more bottoms out there than tops. Not that "bottom" and "top" are static identities; a guy who'll bottom for you might be more comfortable topping for someone else, a guy who enjoys bottoming when he's younger might enjoy topping more later in life and vice-versa, etc.

5. Not every photo is recent, WANNABI, and not every guy is decent. Some guys will lie to get in your pants or in your ass or on your dick or on your face. Trust your gut, WANNABI, and be choosy about the guys you invite to rearrange yours.

I'm a gay male in his mid-40s living in a rainy city. I met and fell for a recently divorced guy with a few teen kids. We progressed quickly, moved to the burbs, made a home, and even had one of his kids come live with us. It was out of character for me to move that fast, but we clicked. I thought he knew what it took to make a long-term relationship work and his post-divorce finances put him in a spot where it really helped him for us to live together.

Fast-forward five years to me coming home one day with him declaring he was moving to a not-at-all-rainy state with his new boyfriend. New BF had been a mutual friend who I had suspicions about, but I was told repeatedly it was all in my head. Of course the friend made a show of being "really hurt" because he felt I didn't like him anymore for something he claimed to be innocent of but was actually quite guilty of. So yeah, textbook gaslighting by both of them.

Since then, what I want from a relationship has changed. I miss and want the emotional connection, the day-to-day stuff, the sleeping in the same bed with someone, the incidental physical affection. Sex, that's a different story. As soon as I have sex with someone once, maybe twice if it's really good, I don't want to continue seeing them. I still want and do have sex, just not with a person I might want a relationship with. My questions:

 

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