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 The Pala Band of Mission Indians reservation in Pala, Calif., on March 6, 2021. (Photo: Taya Gray/The Desert Sun)

“It brought back a lot of scary memories,” Cantu said. “My mom was really, really worried, saying, ‘You guys need to do this, you need to do that.’” 

Gradually, Smith started venturing out more. Like Virgil, she got sick in August. With so much fear and anxiety bubbling just under the surface, Cantu didn’t tell her mom that Virgil had gone to hospital or later died.  Dogs and Horses Make Me Happy Humans Make My Head Hurt Shirt

“She was already in a fragile state,” Cantu said. “What's crazy is that they passed without even knowing each other had passed.”

Smith died on Sept. 11, 2020. She was 66. 

Until Smith died, Cantu had always thought about the differences between her and her mom. Now, she keeps bumping up against the similarities: how identical they looked when Smith was her age, the way Cantu parents her own children. Cantu has the same job at the Pala Youth Center that her mom once held.

“After the fact of her passing, I see how we're exactly the same,” she said.

‘Still going through the mournings’

In the era of COVID-19, one that doesn’t have a definitive end date, the grieving process for some has felt stunted, or hasn’t been allowed to truly begin. 

With so many coronavirus deaths in her family, Cantu said it’s been difficult even to mourn each person completely. “I feel like we're all kind of going through the mournings still,” she said. “It's not real in a way.”

Both Jo Ann Smith and Virgil Yazzie were buried in the Pala cemetery. Last week, Virgil’s wife, children and grandchildren visited his grave for his birthday. They wore T-shirts with pictures of him, and brought flowers and birthday balloons.

He would have been 69 years old. 

Up near the Cabazon reservation, Trayci’s family trekked to a local cemetery in January, where other ancestors have long been buried. 

They all used to drive out to that plot decades ago, on Christmas and Easter and other occasions, Trayci said. She remembers the drive as a teenager, only thinking about how long the trip was, the pulling of weeds and tending of graves they’d have to do because there wasn’t any cemetery maintenance yet. 

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