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 And wanting a macho partner doesn’t make you a bad person. Wanting someone who doesn’t fit your definition of macho to be macho also doesn’t make you a bad person, but it’s probably futile. For a few months you had adequate but not-as-good-as-you’ve-had sex, and now you’ve dated for an additional 2.25 years. If sexual fulfillment is important to you, it is long past time to move on.

Dear How to Do It,

I’m 44, my husband is 47 and we’ve been together since I was 19—married 20 years this summer. Overall, we’ve been very happily married with two teenagers. A couple years ago, perhaps in a midlife crisis mode of sorts, I began feeling like he was not interested in me as much sexually and that I needed more attention (sexual and in general). My husband tends to be very focused on his own things and his career foremost, but is loving and caring. Long story short we decided to open our marriage with me as a hotwife (he was not interested in his own adventures). This worked fine for a while to respark our flame, but then we both lost interest.

Move forward to just before the initial coronavirus lockdown, I met a friends-with-benefits partner whom I have been in love with ever since. I still deeply love my husband, but I think in some ways our relationship has morphed into more of a familiar/friend one. He has been very generous in accommodating me, but I’m afraid his one fear in opening our marriage—that I would fall for someone else—has come true. He knows about “Guy” and has met him but does not know the extent of my feelings.

My mind says I should let Guy go, but my heart says follow my heart to be with Guy. I’m pretty sure Guy would go for it. And because husband and I do love each other and have pretty good communication and would put our children first (our children have stated they feel like we’re better alone with them anyway), that a divorce, though painful, could work out for the best. Am I just being a spoiled, self-centered asshole? Obviously, I need to talk with my husband and Guy, but I’m just looking for someone outside to look in and tell me what they see. If I could, I’d like to be poly with husband and Guy, but I’m not sure that would sit well with either of them.

—Forest or the Trees